UP THE CREEK
April 1, 2000
Like you, we at Up The Creek are often sorely tried in dealing with the awkwardly long name of our beloved association. And so, like you, we often abbreviate. We encourage those with whom we do business to abbreviate also. The trouble is, it’s about as hard to remember all the initial letters to our name - USCDWUA - as it is to remember the whole nine yards, so to speak.
Imagine the problem putting together a come-on marketing letter where a computer inserts the name of the intended sucker, as in, “Dear John J. Doe: you may already be the winner of the grand prize- a Ford Excursion with a Jeep Cherokee parked inside it - and won’t you be happy, John J. Doe, when we drive this combo up to your front door in Hotchkress, CO?” That’s when you realize the letter may be a little less personal than it seemed, since they don’t spell the name of your town right, or your own name, for that matter. When we get these letters, they go, “Dear Upper Service Greek Dormitory Washer Using Assembly, you may already be the...” - and, of course, there is no more room on the page, so we never get to find out what thing we need to buy in order to become the winner of some other thing we need to win.
We thought that some useful mnemonics might help people remember the initials, and allow us to receive good personalized marketing letters. So here are some that have been suggested ....
By the employees: Underpaid Slaves Coping Daily With Unfair Administrator
By the Board of Directors: Unkempt Slobs Creating Disarray With Utility Assets
By happy customers: Unique Service Company Doing Well Under Adversity
By unhappy customers: Utility Sabotage Company Demolishing With Utter Abandon
By warm fuzzies: Unincumbered Serenity Cannot Develop With Useless Anger
By Health Department: Unhealthy Slime-Coated Drinking Water Unthinkingly Applied
No doubt one of the above has occurred to most of you, plus a few of your own. If you have a prize-winner of a phrase that you think applies perfectly to USCDWUA, please keep it Under Strict Cover, Don’t Want Unsolicited Advice.
***** WARNING, SERIOUS SUBJECT MATTER FOLLOWS *****
Our meter reading season is from March through October. Sometimes weather clobbers March and/or October. We were able to read some of the meters during March, but others will be read early in April. You might not see a March reading on your bill. If you need to know your starting meter reading for the April billing period, please call and we can give you the date and the reading. We realize, of course that meter reading is an Uncertain Science Consumers Don’t Want Undertaken Anyway.